Oceans Inside Me

I'm a thunderstorm trapped in a bottle,
A ship christened with tears instead of champagne,
I'm the fury of the sea heard in a seashell,
Driftwood, aimless in the current of time.

You Have To Go (I Know)

Your leaving

has me feeling

like cake-soup;

the wrong blend

of right ingredients.

What if

I can't

stomach

this?

The crimson glow of fading hope

The sea ignores the movement of your tides
The moon turns the pages of your chanted lullaby
Give the sky back her crimson, mesmerizing face
My heart is none of her concern
What you have stolen from her
She demands that you return
She has given everything and it was not enough.

Take only what I offer you
Nothing more and nothing less
Take the red wine nectar from my veins
And the syncopated rhythm from my chest.

In morning you are her red light upon my neck
In evening you're a moonbeam asleep upon my bed
Give me hope but leave me empty, unfulfilled
My heart is none of your concern
What you have taken from me
I can't demand that you return
I have given everything and it was not enough.

You took only what I offered you
Nothing more and nothing less
My red wine nectar flows through your veins
And my heart changed the rhythm in your chest.

I would be the satellite around your sun
But even if you gave me everything
I fear it would not be enough.

Missing You

I remember when you left, it was raining that day
I remember, cause I wished the clouds would go away
The birds were still singing, I remember it well
There were tears in my eyes when you said your last farewell

There were so many questions I wanted to ask
So many reasons to call you back
I watched helpless as you left, my heart in your hands,
You said I would come to but I still don't understand

When I close my eyes I still see you
Though what I see is untrue
It's ok, I know how my memory lies
I've changed you to everything you never were
Just so I could miss you tonight

I know when I left you it was a sun-shiny day
I know, cause I wished the clouds had stayed
Your lies had unraveled, you knew I'd depart
I couldn't shed a tear though you'd broken my heart

I left without answers, there were none to be had
I had given everything, and couldn't even be mad
My tears were used up, my sympathies fled,
So many feelings still left unsaid

When I close my eyes I still see you
Though what I see is untrue
It's ok, I know how my memory lies
I've changed you to everything you never were
Just so I could miss you tonight

Benediction

Benediction

My skin tingles with the vibrations of your lips when you speak
Your tongue pries my lips apart like you're searching deep inside me
For the words I can't seem to formulate.

The confetti of my heart's debris lies like freckles on my face
Like the ruins of a universe destroyed by the words
That should never have touched your ears,
Cursing the destiny that only let our fates collide
For a split second in a twisted, dizzy cosmic prank.

You have a way of making me honest
When I ought to be ambiguous
And candidly sincere when society's cunning deception
Would complicate things less.

My intellect forms a parade of relentless facts, unyielding and cold
But I've been bewitched and ambushed by emotion
I'm a casualty of the chasm depths I dug with my own fingernails
All pretense lost, I'm as hollow as Jesus' tomb and as scarred as his flesh
And the way I was, my previous disaster of a life
Is split down the side -- you were the blade slicing through the facade,
So I lie bleeding naked while you kiss the saline misery away
And remove the treacherous deceit I had engraved on my own veins.

So you'll leave me to heal under ebony skies
Devoid of stars and satellites
And I'll compose stories for the constellations
Formed by the flecks of gold I saw in your eyes
This will be a wordless goodbye -- it's better this way --
No promises, no guilt, no regret, no shame,
And we'll give a silent benediction from lip to lip and tongue to tongue.

Double Dactyl

Rickety, nitpicky,

Double-dactylical

Lines are a pain but I'll

Give them a try.

Nonsense begins them,

Two stanzas, strict rhythm:

Easy, if I could just

End with a rhyme.

Seattle Smokers

You can't walk down a street in Seattle

with a cigarette in your mouth

and expect to have a pack left

by the time you get home.

-

It doesn’t happen like that.

-

Your cigarette

while a hazard light to non-smokers,

is a candle in a dark cave of tension

to the rest

-

and they will ask you

if you can spare one

-

they will ask you

if you’ve got a light

-

“Can I get one off you, man?”

-

It’s been a hard night.

They pat their pockets—

all out.

Run their hands through their hair—

They’ve got the craving

That you obviously understand.

They form one hand

into a gentle claw;

ready to grasp panic-relief.

-

By the time you reach your destination

you’ve talked to more strangers

and smoked fewer cigarettes

that you ever wanted to

on a dark city street.

-

The unwritten code

that if you smoke, you understand

and if you understand, you commiserate

and if you commiserate, you share

and share

and share

-

after all,

they’d give you one, too

if they had it.

-

Penis

I am currently sitting in my family room watching Wheel of Fortune

It rained outside today

I took the Dash bus to Fig and Adams and walked the rest of the way home

In the Rain

I called a bunch of people in Columbus

Progressively fewer people from Columbus are calling me

TV is a fortunate noise distraction masking loneliness

Masking an anxious sense that I am doing nothing

A great mind wasted

A youth spent toiling after nothing - a small paycheck.

"Security"

The rain reminds me of home. It always rains in Columbus

There are numerous Ohioans dreaming of coming to California to accomplish

To create

To become

I am out here - I've been here for 5 years.

What have I created? What have I accomplished? What have I become?

Closed captioning is sponsored by Meineke Complete Car Care

God, please remind me that you are satisfied with me

Allow me to accept myself

And lead me to a peaceful and satisfied place

Where it only rains when I want it to

And TV programs are satisfying and fulfilling

And I'm surrounded at all times by friends and family

And life goes on and on and on, and every day has something new to look forward to

Pat, I'd like to solve the puzzle

I Read Between the Lines, It's True

Your cover

is creative

your acknowledgments

concise

you tell your stories quickly

as I flip

right through

your life

you start to sound real distant

because I stopped to find a pen

if you wouldn’t mind

and have the time

could you start all over again?

I like this part

it's layered

and it's deep

and I want to know

what happened there

to make those thoughts

complete

you leave a lot of space

between

passages of thought

do you need advice

or just an ear?

you told me

but I forgot.

I really want

to listen.

I mean it.

I do.

but I cannot stop to listen

while I’m

reading

you.

vacation days III

III.

I always thought

that fresh things were better

than saved things, but now

I think I’ll buy

some zip-lock bags

and call it a day

because

my sloppy eagerness,

whispered words,

and green lights kisses

make me

feel anything

but okay.